Please ignore the last post. I was being a damn drama queen. I swear it's the hormones (I hope) I really need to mellow out and stop letting things with him get to me, though I can't help but worry. It's in my nature.

OK let me rephrase that. I hate men who just happened to be married to me!

Like it is all my fault that we have no money and live paycheck to paycheck and we cant buy the things that he thinks we need. And it is also my fault that he tends to nickel and dime money that we get to pay off other bills. It is also my fault that he doesnt know what bills have to paid and when, oh yes it is also my fault that we never have money to do anything.

I dont know when he became obsessed with this need to have money all the time. I know we are not rich, but who is nowdays? I would love to be able to pay all the bills at one time and not have to worry about bill collectors, but the reality is we have 4 kids, I work part time and we just dont make enough. On the bright side we dont have to pay for child care (but he doesnt see that)

Maybe he wants something that I cant give him? Or maybe he just wants (or needs his freedom)

You know there is a woman at his job that is proud that him and I have been together for so long. She tells him, "Just stick it out till your youngest daughter is 18, after that I will take you to the Phillipines and get you a young bride."

Wow that just makes me feel oh so special!

So what do I do? What should I do?

I am tired of fighting with him, I am tired of him being pissed at me all the time. I tired of him thinking that money will solve all of our problems.

I dont think he sees the good things we have.

We have 4 beautiful little girls, we have a roof over our heads (it may not belong to us, but it is over our heads) Our girls are happy, they are actually well behave. We dont have some dysfunctional family, for once we are not so far in debt.

Maybe that is just not enough to be happy, too bad I thought it was.

Ignore me I am just ranting about nothing and everything

Behind every frustrated woman is an asshole that needs to smacked in the back of the fucking head with a fucking bat!!!!

It does it does it does it does it does.......which is why I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo damn glad that I got my dsl back today!!!. Yes folks I am planning to be online all frigging day Friday since I do not have to go to work and Jeff does. LOL my luck he will take the frigging day off and ruin my plans of vegging out. Oh well. I guess I should get back too looking busy, even though I am freezing my tush off up hear under this frigging cold AC. brrrrr!

Sometimes I really do, I need a job, I know I need a job, or atleast one that pays better then what I am getting now. But it's a little hard with 4 kids and one of the is an infant.

Apparently being at home with your kids is the easiest job in the world. I mean you dont get vaction, your break time is when you can get everyone to go to sleep or get them atleast quiet for a moment, (but then somewhere in that queit moment one of them could be doing things like....sticking their sister in the dryer.) on and you dont get paid for it.

Why do men feel that since the make the majority of the money they are allowed to asses to their spouses?

you know what just ignore my rant. I am tired, cranky, upset and pissed off. Let's just say its PMS (putting up with men's shit)

I swear it does. My landlord some how "misplaced" our rent check for this month. Luckily he isnt charging us a fee, but I doubt the asshole is acting looking for the other check. Jeff took alot of hours off from work last week, which means we are going to be really short on cash this week. Which means pay bills or feed the kids. I need a frigging job, one that will let me either be with my kids or let me work from home. I can't afford childcare, but we cant keep living like this, and I doubt jeff will change his hours for me so that I am able to work more. He whines that he can make more in overtime then with me working parttime, but the funny thing is...his ass isnt at work.

I have to go to San Diego, I am not taking any money with me. I have to make sure that he has it to take care of the other kids......uggg what fuck can I do...I think I am just frustrated...so fucking frustrated.

Oh my god I swear at times I could kill him!

*rolls eyes as she goes to clean the house*

ok let me rephrase that, my hubby sucks!

I had the beautiful John Mayer high and he just killed it cause he talks to damn much. According to him I have a big mouth and cant keep it shut, yet he tells EVERYONE our business. It really sucked for me working in the same office as him cause everyone knew our business, the things we fight about, the things I like to do. Hell mu co-workers even harrased me on a few things. It was a frigging nightmare. Now i am being annoying about how much money (I should say how little money) I bring into the household.

He doesnt tell them that our littlest daughter refuses to take the bottle and kinda makes it hard for me to be gone for more than a few hours, he doesnt mention that with this job I am only 5 minutes away from the house can leave if there is an emergency without being penalized. No he bitches to them that I make nothing compared to his salary, and that I refused to work for the post office.

You know back when him and I first married, when i worked full time and he didnt have a job.. I NEVER treated him this way.

grrrrrr

Ok I am done with my ranting

I am so frustrated that it is so not funny. We like have NO money what so ever to buy anything, rent is due soon, every bill collector in the world is driving us crazy. Jeff is pissy with me over money and other things. My kids are driving me crazy. I have a job, but we have to get use to this job only playing me once a month. The baby is not taking her bottle when I am gone (and when I am home.) I feel so overwhelmed that it is not even funny.

I PRAY that the money that Jeff and I are suppose to get will be here on Friday like it is suppose to be. It will take care of alot of the things that are making me crazy. I also pray that Kalehya will all of s udden like her bottle so I dont have to give up my extra hours to feed her.

Wish me luck.....please!

Just what it says. Thursday morning I have to attend an interview for a job that I do not want.

Most of you know that the better part of last year I worked for the Post Office and I completely hated it. The hours were crappy and I had to work 6 days a week and it just all around sucked. I dont wanna be put through that hell again. I just had a baby, I want to be able to be there for her.

Jeff thinks I am being selfish I guess, an using the kids as an excuse for not wanting to work there. I dont think we can afford for me to work fulltime, because that brings other exspenses, like child care. For us to put all the kids in day care would cost us between $2000- $2500 dollars. And we have to have the kids out by a certain time.

I guess he doesnt like the idea of me being a full time mom. I guess he thinks I am being lazy by not wanting to work. Maybe I am. Maybe I should just stop whining about the Post Office and deal with it. But the funny thing is he hates it has much as I did. I know he doesnt want to wokr there. He would rather be doing something else.

I wanna work fulltime.....just not there. I wish the college were I am working at had a fulltime job that was open. I would take it in a heart beat.

So I am guessing soon that I will be working for the Post Office sooner than I had plan to. :(

Wish me luck.