I am beginning to think I was never meant to have good birthdays. My birthday so far

12:05 am - got to hospital to get blood drawn
12:15 am - get poked by lab tech twice, the second one hurting like hell.
12:20 am - Lab tech get head nurse cause he can't find my veins.
12:30 am - hall ass to work cause I am late
6:00 am - finally get off of work, but soon realizes I locked the damn keys in the car.
7:00 am - Hubby finally comes to rescue me

Right Now - waiting for the doctor to call with good or bad news.

I am scared. I can't even get happy about being pregnant cause the moment I do, thats when the whole thing will come caving in. I keep trying to tell myself that everything will be ok not matter what the doctor says. What happens is meant to be.

But that doesnt make me feel better, that doesnt stop any of the pain I feel. that doesnt stop me from crying.

So now I wait....I have to wait to find out whether or not my levels are high enough, whether or not they are rising the right way. Whether or not I get to be excited about having a baby or upset that I have to terminate the pregnancy.

Happy Fucking Birthday to Me.